Despair 😢

Peace be upon you, readers! I hope my silent reader is still following my posts lol 😂 as I'm a bit busy recently. You know who you are. Thanks for asking me before, I appreciate your concern hehe 💚

This marks my 1st month adapting my internship at School of Biology in USM Penang. I just realized that I'm not into this working environment at all. Besides, the project given is something new for me to discover yet it is out of my comfort zone! I haven't deal with nanoparticles or nanobiotech 😅💦 this is so related to chemistry work. I feel like an idiot 😫 I always tend to overthink & end up knowing that oh the calculation sometimes is simple but I couldn't even get it. I know I am so noob, I always ask how & why yet my mentor helped me a lot but still I feel like I am a burden for her sorry YC 😥

I'm trying my best to help you but I do a lot of mistakes too. I think I am too paranoid hurmm, I hope YC wouldn't think bad about me etc. There's too many things in my mind. This just led me stress and I burst out tears 😭 I just want 3 months will pass quickly. Another thing is that every week, we will have a meeting & should present our progress report. I know there's a benefit for both parties, but still when the Professors criticize your bad experiment result, it will led your spirit down. Yes, I certainly know that they are trying to put us back on the right track etc but I am a sensitive person. I usually couldn't handle this kind of situation too. I hope my next meeting will be a smooth sailing journey for me. May Allah ease everything in Shaa Allah 🙏

I still think that I am a crybaby. People said that all the experiences & hardships you have gone through will help you to be mature but that doesn't affect me at all. 😭😭😭 I want my Abah to be here & take a good care of me, I know I am a spoilt brat but I don't care. Who else is going to support me besides Abah & my siblings. It hurts a lot when you know that you can't share your story to your mom. If only Mom is still alive. I know I'm going to have a long conversation on the phone & cryyyyyy 😭

Please appreciate your parents while they are still there for you. Once, they are gone, I am sure you're going to miss them like crazy. You are the luckiest person if you still have both of your parents who can motivate you. As for me, only my prayer is for my late Mom. Al Fatihah 😢 If you happen to read this new entry, pray for me. I hope Allah will ease everything for you too in shaa Allah 💚

Warm regards,
Badik Chan Qowiyyyy 💪