I was informed that I have passed my proposal presentation but I feel nothing at all. Am I feeling ungrateful? π I should thank Allah but I'm not satisfied. My mark is not too great & I think it is kind of low but not the lowest compared to the other friends. To me this is not what I want. I hate myself for freaking out during that time. It is kind of annoying when people boast about their achievements haha yeah Allah heard your prayers but not mine so it feels awful to be honest ✌ This is just my feelings so I hope if you happen to read this, don't feel offended herher π Maybe my prayers will be heard in the future. It depends on Allah anyway. I just have to believe in Him & of course myself for not giving up. I should be grateful for what I have after all this time. Hence, just take a good care of yourself. FYUP is not everything because you still have other subjects to score π keep on studying & do the best instead of thinking you are useless or an idiot just because of FYUP hahahhaa.
A reminder to ponder;
If you think you are stupid, then why are you a university student? π You are a diamond that will shine bright someday. Silly things like overthinking will ruin yourself more so keep on moving forward because you will excel this journey in Shaa Allah πΈ
Saturday, October 14, 2017
Tuesday, October 10, 2017
Unlucky
Hey peeps πΆ
Yesterday, I had my proposal presentation & I think that was the worst state in my life. However, I don't think it is much more worse compared to when I had my 1st lab test for microbiology ππ¦ my examiner for the lab test & for my proposal presentation is the same person. I felt like an idiot being attacked by fundamental questions. Some of those I couldn't answer. I really am so frustrated & my current mood is mentally unstable. I don't feel like talking. I refuse to have conversations with my friends it's not because I don't want to but I don't have any moods. Please, why do I feel so down to earth. I don't want to look like a fool. I worked on it & it disappoints me too much. I AM NOT OKAY. Sometimes it makes me wonder does anybody care about me? I rarely call Abah γηΆγγ because my invalid reason is I don't have time & it makes me feel bad as a daughter too. Why is this life so hard? This life is just for a while but it seems like a thousand years with lots of challenges & problems. I understand why certain people are missing in action. I tried to be positive but I am not strong enough to put a fake smile & enjoy this trashing degree life π¬ I hope that I can pass my proposal presentation because I hate it if I need to represent * hopefully not. The worst day had passed but I don't want to be in that situation again. I need to attend Viva once I have finished my project & thesis submission too would be much more hard π
I doubt why God chose me to be in this journey. I feel like giving up but I want to graduate. Am I going to be a scientist one fine day? Regretting why I took Biology/pure sciences in degree because the pressure is too much. However I know Allah puts me in this hard time because He knows I can handle this burden. But I don't expect much from myself π I try to be positive. I want to have faith in Him. But still negative thoughts kept on tormenting me π£ why why why? It's easy to say you just have to be calm, move on & let it go. But IT IS NOT SIMPLE. TRY TO PUT YOURSELF IN MY SHOES. I WANT TO END THIS SOON BADLY BUT THE HELL LIFESTYLE IS JUST THE BEGINNING. I HATE MYSELF FOR BEING PARANOID. I DON'T BELONG HERE. I MISS MY LATE MOM. IF ONLY I COULD SHARE THIS WITH HER. I WILL BE SO BLESSED.
Yesterday, I had my proposal presentation & I think that was the worst state in my life. However, I don't think it is much more worse compared to when I had my 1st lab test for microbiology ππ¦ my examiner for the lab test & for my proposal presentation is the same person. I felt like an idiot being attacked by fundamental questions. Some of those I couldn't answer. I really am so frustrated & my current mood is mentally unstable. I don't feel like talking. I refuse to have conversations with my friends it's not because I don't want to but I don't have any moods. Please, why do I feel so down to earth. I don't want to look like a fool. I worked on it & it disappoints me too much. I AM NOT OKAY. Sometimes it makes me wonder does anybody care about me? I rarely call Abah γηΆγγ because my invalid reason is I don't have time & it makes me feel bad as a daughter too. Why is this life so hard? This life is just for a while but it seems like a thousand years with lots of challenges & problems. I understand why certain people are missing in action. I tried to be positive but I am not strong enough to put a fake smile & enjoy this trashing degree life π¬ I hope that I can pass my proposal presentation because I hate it if I need to represent * hopefully not. The worst day had passed but I don't want to be in that situation again. I need to attend Viva once I have finished my project & thesis submission too would be much more hard π
I doubt why God chose me to be in this journey. I feel like giving up but I want to graduate. Am I going to be a scientist one fine day? Regretting why I took Biology/pure sciences in degree because the pressure is too much. However I know Allah puts me in this hard time because He knows I can handle this burden. But I don't expect much from myself π I try to be positive. I want to have faith in Him. But still negative thoughts kept on tormenting me π£ why why why? It's easy to say you just have to be calm, move on & let it go. But IT IS NOT SIMPLE. TRY TO PUT YOURSELF IN MY SHOES. I WANT TO END THIS SOON BADLY BUT THE HELL LIFESTYLE IS JUST THE BEGINNING. I HATE MYSELF FOR BEING PARANOID. I DON'T BELONG HERE. I MISS MY LATE MOM. IF ONLY I COULD SHARE THIS WITH HER. I WILL BE SO BLESSED.
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