Saturday, October 14, 2017

Ungrateful ๐Ÿ™‚

I was informed that I have passed my proposal presentation but I feel nothing at all. Am I feeling ungrateful? ๐Ÿ™‚ I should thank Allah but I'm not satisfied. My mark is not too great & I think it is kind of low but not the lowest compared to the other friends. To me this is not what I want. I hate myself for freaking out during that time. It is kind of annoying when people boast about their achievements haha yeah Allah heard your prayers but not mine so it feels awful to be honest ✌ This is just my feelings so I hope if you happen to read this, don't feel offended herher ๐Ÿ’ Maybe my prayers will be heard in the future. It depends on Allah anyway. I just have to believe in Him & of course myself for not giving up. I should be grateful for what I have after all this time. Hence, just take a good care of yourself. FYUP is not everything because you still have other subjects to score ๐Ÿ˜Œ keep on studying & do the best instead of thinking you are useless or an idiot just because of FYUP hahahhaa.
A reminder to ponder;
If you think you are stupid, then why are you a university student? ๐Ÿ˜Š You are a diamond that will shine bright someday. Silly things like overthinking will ruin yourself more so keep on moving forward because you will excel this journey in Shaa Allah ๐ŸŒธ

Tuesday, October 10, 2017

Unlucky

Hey peeps ๐Ÿ˜ถ
Yesterday, I had my proposal presentation & I think that was the worst state in my life. However, I don't think it is much more worse compared to when I had my 1st lab test for microbiology ๐Ÿ˜Œ๐Ÿ’ฆ my examiner for the lab test & for my proposal presentation is the same person. I felt like an idiot being attacked by fundamental questions. Some of those I couldn't answer. I really am so frustrated & my current mood is mentally unstable. I don't feel like talking. I refuse to have conversations with my friends it's not because I don't want to but I don't have any moods. Please, why do I feel so down to earth. I don't want to look like a fool. I worked on it & it disappoints me too much. I AM NOT OKAY. Sometimes it makes me wonder does anybody care about me? I rarely call Abah ใŠ็ˆถใ•ใ‚“ because my invalid reason is I don't have time & it makes me feel bad as a daughter too. Why is this life so hard? This life is just for a while but it seems like a thousand years with lots of challenges & problems. I understand why certain people are missing in action. I tried to be positive but I am not strong enough to put a fake smile & enjoy this trashing degree life ๐Ÿ˜ฌ I hope that I can pass my proposal presentation because I hate it if I need to represent * hopefully not. The worst day had passed but I don't want to be in that situation again. I need to attend Viva once I have finished my project & thesis submission too would be much more hard ๐Ÿ˜ญ
I doubt why God chose me to be in this journey. I feel like giving up but I want to graduate. Am I going to be a scientist one fine day? Regretting why I took Biology/pure sciences in degree because the pressure is too much. However I know Allah puts me in this hard time because He knows I can handle this burden. But I don't expect much from myself ๐Ÿ˜ญ I try to be positive. I want to have faith in Him. But still negative thoughts kept on tormenting me ๐Ÿ˜ฃ why why why? It's easy to say you just have to be calm, move on & let it go. But IT IS NOT SIMPLE. TRY TO PUT YOURSELF IN MY SHOES. I WANT TO END THIS SOON BADLY BUT THE HELL LIFESTYLE IS JUST THE BEGINNING. I HATE MYSELF FOR BEING PARANOID. I DON'T BELONG HERE. I MISS MY LATE MOM. IF ONLY I COULD SHARE THIS WITH HER. I WILL BE SO BLESSED.

Saturday, August 26, 2017

Sayonara USM ๐ŸŽ“

Morning peeps! Peace be upon you. Although I have been rubbing my eyes a few times, I just can't believe that I have finished my 3 months internship at School of Biological Sciences, USM Penang.

I told you before, that I'm counting days to end this as soon as possible. Alhamdulillah mission accomplished ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ’š I'm a bit free for a week without any lab works. *Feeling free and relief ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜ I'm on cloud nine (jumping)

Anyway, there must be a hikmah/lesson learnt from this journey. I think Allah gives me the taste of "FYUP" (final year undergraduate project) so I do now know how am I supposed to face my final year which will start this early September ๐Ÿ˜ฐ He trains me to prepare mentally & physically before I enter my next phase.

3 months full of tears. I cried almost every week because of stress. I hope I can handle stress for FYUP after this in Shaa Allah. Well, that's because I learnt something new which is not that exactly related to Biology but more towards chemistry. My supervisor is expert in Nanobiotech therefore, I helped my mentor(master student) to synthesise nanoparticles. Besides, Dr is trying to do research on application so I got a mini project to test the real sample from industrial fish waste & the aim of the study is to study the adsorption of protein on Cellulose nanocrystal/ magnetic nanoparticles.

I remembered Dr Yazmin brought me to a fish factory & we collected the samples there. I met a few of her friends that collaborate with her project & they are from materials engineering department. I tend to think that if I study Biology, I will be a biologist forever but this changed my mind 360 degree. You will learn a lot of new things which is out of your comfort zone and of course different fields. (Tiba2 masuk engineering weh ๐Ÿ˜ญ) So can you understand my feelings now? Why am I so stressed?

Moreover, almost everyday, if I have to synthesise Cellulose nanocrystal, I must walk to School of Industrial Technology with my mentor to do the lab works. I usually don't stay at SBS's lab ๐Ÿ˜… and the process is too long. Almost 2 weeks that finally you can freeze dry your sample from 20g isolated oil palm trunk that has been treated with mechanical treatments.

I am stress but I know my mentor is facing the problem too. I feel blessed to have her as my mentor . She is being so tolerate with me. I am not a quick learner. My lab skill is so-so. Because of anxiety & stress sometimes it is hard to handle the equipments. (Hopefully, I don't have essential tremor) I will remember you, Yee Ying Chuin ๐ŸŒธ All the best for your master journey ๐ŸŽ“

This is a thread I have made before & posted on Facebook/Twitter. I hope it helps especially for my juniors.

A thread for pure/industrial Biology students who secure their internship placement at School of Biological Sciences, USM ๐ŸŽ“

1)First of all, it's a government Institution hence there will be no allowance provided.

2)Training is mainly focus on research works. So there will be tons of labworks. Tbh it is very tiring ๐Ÿ˜….

3)SV chooses you.(UTM students) you will meet & recognise them for the first time meeting ๐Ÿ˜‚.

4)Project given is based on SV's expertise. As for me, Dr Yazmin deals with Nanobiotech. What I did is synthesizing nanoparticles.

5)you will help your mentor's project work (master/PhD) it depends on your SV to give a mini project. I got a mini project too.

6)mini project won't be completed in 3 months ๐Ÿ˜‚ serious talk. Because time is limited & too many things need to be done.unless you're GENIUS.

7)Mini project is like FYP. You need to study at the same time planning experiment with your mentor. Indeed it's stressful(haven't done FYP).

8)ex:Dr plans, CNC production,immobilised & desorb GOX, Bradford assay, ABTS assay, SDS PAGE, FTIR. I did only:CNC, MNP,SDS PAGE & Bradford.

9)instead of studying enzyme GOX, I did the real sample testing (fishwaste water) to study the adsorption of protein on nanoparticles.

10)your work will not only related to Biology.As for me, this project is more towards chemistry. So you can imagine all the calculations etc.

11)If you get a project related to chemistry, make sure to revise your analytical chemistry/biochemistry/bioorganic during 1st year.

12)only chemistry students know about adsorption kinetics ( Langmuir & Freundlich) I don't understand this ๐Ÿ˜‚.

13)Every week, there will be a meeting for your progress report hence please prepare slides, be ready & deliver your presentation ๐Ÿ˜Ž.

14)SV will ask you weird questions. Don't freak out! Your mentor will be there to defend you ๐Ÿ˜‚.

15)A farewell party for you is a must at the end of your internship day. SVs and mentors will make a lot of surprises for you ๐Ÿ˜.


Warm regards,
Badik Chan Qowiyyyy ๐Ÿ’ช

Friday, July 14, 2017

Despair ๐Ÿ˜ข

Peace be upon you, readers! I hope my silent reader is still following my posts lol ๐Ÿ˜‚ as I'm a bit busy recently. You know who you are. Thanks for asking me before, I appreciate your concern hehe ๐Ÿ’š

This marks my 1st month adapting my internship at School of Biology in USM Penang. I just realized that I'm not into this working environment at all. Besides, the project given is something new for me to discover yet it is out of my comfort zone! I haven't deal with nanoparticles or nanobiotech ๐Ÿ˜…๐Ÿ’ฆ this is so related to chemistry work. I feel like an idiot ๐Ÿ˜ซ I always tend to overthink & end up knowing that oh the calculation sometimes is simple but I couldn't even get it. I know I am so noob, I always ask how & why yet my mentor helped me a lot but still I feel like I am a burden for her sorry YC ๐Ÿ˜ฅ

I'm trying my best to help you but I do a lot of mistakes too. I think I am too paranoid hurmm, I hope YC wouldn't think bad about me etc. There's too many things in my mind. This just led me stress and I burst out tears ๐Ÿ˜ญ I just want 3 months will pass quickly. Another thing is that every week, we will have a meeting & should present our progress report. I know there's a benefit for both parties, but still when the Professors criticize your bad experiment result, it will led your spirit down. Yes, I certainly know that they are trying to put us back on the right track etc but I am a sensitive person. I usually couldn't handle this kind of situation too. I hope my next meeting will be a smooth sailing journey for me. May Allah ease everything in Shaa Allah ๐Ÿ™

I still think that I am a crybaby. People said that all the experiences & hardships you have gone through will help you to be mature but that doesn't affect me at all. ๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ˜ญ I want my Abah to be here & take a good care of me, I know I am a spoilt brat but I don't care. Who else is going to support me besides Abah & my siblings. It hurts a lot when you know that you can't share your story to your mom. If only Mom is still alive. I know I'm going to have a long conversation on the phone & cryyyyyy ๐Ÿ˜ญ

Please appreciate your parents while they are still there for you. Once, they are gone, I am sure you're going to miss them like crazy. You are the luckiest person if you still have both of your parents who can motivate you. As for me, only my prayer is for my late Mom. Al Fatihah ๐Ÿ˜ข If you happen to read this new entry, pray for me. I hope Allah will ease everything for you too in shaa Allah ๐Ÿ’š

Warm regards,
Badik Chan Qowiyyyy ๐Ÿ’ช

Monday, January 23, 2017

Back home ๐ŸŒŸ

Peace be upon you ๐Ÿ’š

This is the time for me to express my feelings into words. Haha I'm glad to be able to. Just look at my current situation, it's semester break, guys! *Smiling from ear to ear ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜

Actually, my sem break starts on Jan 9th to be specific and will end soon during my birthday ๐Ÿ˜ญ I might celebrate my 22nd birthday alone while thinking about my unfortunate fate on why should I be back to Uni so early *crying under pillows.
10th February, that's a date to remember ๐ŸŒŸ Take note,please my silent reader@ future soulmate ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ’š

On this date, she, the love of your life is born. You should appreciate her, love her, protect her, withstand with her childish behaviour, guide her to the right path, trust her and the most important thing is devotion ๐Ÿ’Œ

Why am i feeling shy out of sudden ๐Ÿ˜‚ It's like I'm writing to my future spouse.
Nahhh everybody wants to be loved. Let's spread the love & live happily ever after "Clichรฉ"๐Ÿ™„๐Ÿ™„๐Ÿ™„

That's enough, shoo shoo those fluffy vibes right now ๐Ÿ˜‚

Staying at home is a bless but that's just for a couple of days to be honest. I felt lonely ๐Ÿ˜‚ there's nobody here except me myself & dad. Luckily, we had a trip to Kota Kinabalu, Sabah for 5 days & 4 nights with my brother, sister in-law & baby niece ✈ That's my third time visit as I have been there before with dad whenever I encounter my semester break. My sister works there as a medical officer in Queen Elizabeth Hospital 1. I hope she will be back to serve for Penisular Malaysia as it's not easy to meet her ๐Ÿ˜ญ you never know how much I miss her. It's like you'll be meeting her once half a year. We had fun because the trip is adventurous & mostly what we do is food hunting! Hahahah ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚
My family is known as food hunters. Well that's because we love to eat!!! I seriously like to gobble anything that is finger licking good haha then, I'll be insane ranting on Twitter that I'm getting fat lol those evil lipids love to stay on my cheek making it even chubbier oh no I'm totally annoyed ๐Ÿ˜ฃ๐Ÿ˜ฃ๐Ÿ˜ฃ๐Ÿ˜ฃ

So I come up with a solution to exercise ๐Ÿ˜† I don't prefer jogging as I need to get ready wearing my sport attire & scarf. It's time consuming!!! I love to do something indoor where nobody can judge me nor see me.haha I browsed back my old folders containing my KPop dance step videos* oh I was once a KPopper ๐Ÿ˜‚ There are a lot of options from Super Junior, B2st, Shinee, DBSK, SNSD hahaha just name it! Lol
I just dance whatever steps that I think might be possible to let me drench with sweat. Hey, I am a bad dancer! I don't know how to dance seriously. My body is so stiff lol glad this is indoor , I can do what I want hahaha ๐Ÿ˜†๐Ÿ˜†๐Ÿ˜† because the Boom Boom Dance Step Super Junior is a bit extreme like hell ๐Ÿ˜‚ I dropped my glass. Hahaha the glass flew out of the frame while I was doing the vigorous activity! Hilarious ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚ that's my funny experience to share with you.lol

I went to Ipoh to watch Football match between Perak and Pahang. The match is so-so but still you feel angry whenever the ball hits the pole. Hurmm, there were many people & my brother told me that we need to be there an hour early. After maghrib prayer we hopped on a motorcycle & drove there. The road was congested!! It's a smart choice to ride on a motorbike instead of driving a car. I bought a mafla- "Kejor Yeop Kejor, Perak" tagline on it ๐Ÿ˜‚ ahahha
The next day, I spent my weekend with my baby niece. My brother treated lunch - oh it's Sushi King ๐Ÿ˜‹๐Ÿ˜‹๐Ÿ˜‹๐Ÿ˜‹ thank you, Along!๐Ÿฑ๐Ÿฃ๐Ÿœ๐Ÿ›๐Ÿ™๐Ÿ˜

We went to Aeon Klebang & my sister in-law wanted to buy some presents for her friend's baby boy who turns 1 year old. My brother was interested to buy a new shoe for my niece but couldn't because the arcade seemed to catch her eyes more. When we said " Cantiknya kasut. Jom pakai. Beli kasut baru jom" she replied "Taknak!" Omg this girl ๐Ÿ˜ฅ hence Along bought 5 tokens & we played several games. When we're about to return home, she didn't want to give a cooperation. My sister in-law starts to bribe her saying there's a merry go round where she can play & ride on a white horse. ๐Ÿ˜‚ My dear baby niece started to throw tantrums when we actually rushed to Sushi King for lunch ๐Ÿ˜… oh god, her mother felt sorry for her & brought her to Kidzoonia where it's a place for children to play. It was her first time there & she played joyfully ๐ŸŒธ๐ŸŒธ๐ŸŒธ
That's the struggle when you become a parent. I can't imagine how am I going to raise my kids in the future. I hope I will be a strict mother ๐Ÿ˜‚ & of course a loving mom ๐Ÿ’š

At the end of the day, I cooked dinner with my sister in-law. We made Carbonara with Spinach & the taste is tasty!!! It's a great combination of mushroom, spinach & chicken breasts with grated cheese & full cream milk. Oh no cholesterol!!! Do I care?!๐Ÿ˜‚ Thus, my brother suggested me to play Just Dance. It's a dance game, where you need a camera along with the PlayStation remote connected to your TV & of course Wi-fi. I dance several songs & tried to beat his perfect score!Lol ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚ I was drenched with sweat & panting catching my breath. I don't know whether it can cause my cheek slimmer or not ๐Ÿ˜‚ hahahha but still my body felt sore. Muscle stiffness ๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ˜ญ

I'll update more entry soon ๐ŸŒธ Thanks for reading ๐Ÿ’š

Warm regards,
Autumn Tears ๐Ÿ
-Badik Chan ๐Ÿ˜

Thursday, November 3, 2016

Silent readers ๐ŸŒธ

Peace be upon you.
I'm having my mid semester break for a week right now so I'm currently at home. Alhamdulillah I'm in the pink of health and I hope you too ๐Ÿ˜Š
My sister, Kakcik decided to travel back home once she knew I will spend the rest of the days in Kuala Kangsar, Perak. Of course I'm over the moon because I haven't met her since September after her graduation day in Adelaide. So many things to do but so little time. I wish my holiday is longer than a week. Sobs ๐Ÿ˜ž๐Ÿ˜ž๐Ÿ˜ž I have to cope with my studies too & it stressed me up. Please pray for my success. Ameen.
Anyway, what's with the entry today? It seems curios right? To be honest, I'm anxious about this after gossiping with Kakcik ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚ Well, Kakcik told me that she had a silent reader who read her blog.lmao!!! But you know what, it seems creepy because that anonymous tend to message her personally on Facebook. Maigoddd what is this?does it sound like Mystic Messenger๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚ hahha sorry I'm really into MM though I have stopped playing it after finishing Jumin's route.hehe ๐Ÿ’œ
It's uncomfortable though if that happens to me.hahaha Do I have a silent reader too? Haha if I do, whoever you are thank you for reading my entries although I used to speak out my mind here & talking nonsense lmao Sorry for annoying you with these posts since 2009 hahhaa ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚ My sis told me that she was only joking by writing "please boost up my spirit to further my Master in UIA" & it turns out that "he" took this opportunity to personally message her on Facebook. ๐Ÿ˜ฑ๐Ÿ˜ฑ๐Ÿ˜ฑ๐Ÿ˜ฑ I dare to challenge any silent readers to do the same.hahahha * if you have the guts to do so ๐Ÿ’๐Ÿ’๐Ÿ’

Well bye then! See you on my next post!
Warm regards๐ŸŒธ
Badik Chan ๐Ÿ˜

Friday, October 7, 2016

Warning! Don't read this ๐Ÿ’

Salam to all.
I just want to share something that is not beneficial here to the others so I hope that nobody is going to read this entry. Hahaha I should make it private instead but nevermind. If you happen to drop by please rethink to read. I have warned you earlier! ⚠⚠⚠I'm not responsible if you tend to throw up.๐Ÿšฎ


Well, I have been busy recently with assignments and quizzes. Upcoming tests too! Life as a student is very hectic but I try to find some ways to get rid of stress. While scrolling on Twitter ๐Ÿฃ one of my highschool friends is talking about a game. She's into it and it makes me curious and anxious what kind of game is that since I was once a freak gamer (*Facebook games lol -Pet Society, Baking Life, Candy crush,Dinner Dash,Hell's Kitchen) She introduced me an apps called Mystic Messenger. This app is popular nowadays within girls. I guess that it will be fun to give a try so I downloaded on playstore.

Regarding it's name, we tend to know that chatting virtually is a part of the rules. And the most important thing is the characters are animated just like an anime and oh btw it's in English version so it's not a problem at all to play although if you receive any calls from them- they speak Hangul which is Korean Language but you still can understand as there will be subtitles provided. So this game is actually an otome game *you know what I mean right. I have never tried otome games before so it's a bit uncomfortable at first. Yes you might say I should focus on my studies and don't waste more time playing games *I know okay don't blame me here lol I told you earlier, if  you think that this entry is kind of a trash stop reading it and go back do your own work. I'm just trying to express my feelings here⚠⚠⚠⚠

I am so lazy to tell you the plot because I haven't finished playing it. For your information, I've been playing it for the past 5 days. It was just like a dream because you are in a chatroom and you can have a chat with everyone as well as message them personally and even having phone calls. Basically you've been told by an unknown to go to an apartment. It's like a mission and suddenly you have been accepted in a chatroom and the members thought you are a hacker but actually not.because it could cause a chaos, so they need to welcome you as RFA member and plan on holding a party by inviting various guests around the world.

So, your part is actually a party coordinator as any emails from the guests will go directly to you. It means you're a part of the organisation and it is such an important role! It makes me excited and I was like wow the members are cool,funny,kind and good looking too! Hahaha Animated characters are always ๐Ÿ’ฃ๐Ÿ’ฃ๐Ÿ’ฃ๐Ÿ’ฃ Of course there will be a guy who hates you because he doesn't trust a stranger and that is super annoying!๐Ÿ˜’๐Ÿ˜’๐Ÿ˜’ Those who are kind are always warm and makes you feel happy and maybe touch your heart?๐Ÿ’š๐Ÿ’˜๐Ÿ’ข 

I had a crush on a guy name Yoosung ๐Ÿ™Š๐Ÿ™Š๐Ÿ™Š oh my god I'm blushing here. He's 21 years old and a university student. Hey we share the same age ๐Ÿ™‹ He loves gaming and pretty easy to talk to. But yeah he sure is busy with classes and his games so I rarely chat with him ๐Ÿ˜ž sometimes he calls and tell about his daily activities however I don't think the relationship is blooming at all. I even make some efforts calling him but he didn't answer yeah busy with his games ๐Ÿ˜ช๐Ÿ˜ช๐Ÿ˜ช he's naive sometimes and that's make him cute Lol! I was hoping that I get into his route for the 5th day and guess what?! I GOT A BAD ENDING and I don't know why!!!๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ˜ญ I just want to cry out loud because I play the game regularly for the past 5 days. And the most annoying part is I have to play it again from the starting day. Gosh! I feel like I've been wasting my time. ๐Ÿšฎ๐Ÿšฎ๐Ÿšฎ๐Ÿšฎ๐Ÿšฎ๐Ÿšฎ๐Ÿšฎ๐Ÿšฎ๐Ÿšฎ๐Ÿšฎ๐Ÿšฎ๐Ÿšฎ๐Ÿšฎ๐Ÿšฎ๐Ÿšฎ 

For a beginner like me who play an otome game, it's not that bad right.hahahhaa. I feel sad and I think you the readers can feel my agony right now! My temperature is rising like seriously!!!!๐Ÿ˜ฐ๐Ÿ˜ฐ๐Ÿ˜ฐ๐Ÿ˜ฐ RIP Yoosung x Badik ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚ But still I want a happy ending. So I play again today from the first day. Maybe you could wish me luck for at least have a happy ending instead of a BAD ENDING like before. Oh please!!!๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ˜ญ Check out some photos of him that you would say wow Kawaii etc ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚


He's experiencing tachycardia because of .... HAHAHHAHA ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚


Oh cooking is his hobby by the way ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚


I wish I could upload more photos but the internet in my college is not that great. A typical problem whenever I try to log on the Yes4G WiFi ๐Ÿ’๐Ÿ’๐Ÿ’ hey, I am used to it lol. Basically the game is like this. Try it if you find it interesting. That's all from me. Kurom Chinggu ya~!

Badik Chan ๐Ÿ˜Ž