Duniawi 🙄

Assalamualaikum. Ok lah post kali ni dalam Bahasa Melayu 😬✌ Dah lama tak update blog jadi saja nak tulis~ Harap2 tiada makcik2 bawang akan screenshot & membawang pasal info terkini Badik la ye dok 🙊 Macam la tak tahu perangai sorang2 cenggitu 😏 Tak serik2 nak makan daging kawan sendiri. Entah bila nak sedar pun tak tahulah. Sebelum meninggal or kiamat sila sedarkan diri ya Makcik2 Bawang. Huhu Ni pun peringatan untuk diri sendiri. Kalau sendiri nak buka pekung di dada satgi Kita pun sama ja macam depa tu. Takmo2 No No!! Badik budak baik. Toksoh terpengaruh eh dengan depa 🙊 hehe

Info terkini ; Wan Sujaihah Binti Meor Hissan. Graduan UTM Skudai jurusan Sains Biologi. Sedang mempersiapkan diri untuk memasuki alam pekerjaan. In Shaa Allah akan menjalani latihan industri selama 6 bulan di Bangi di bawah program MTDC MOE. Semoga dipermudahkan segala urusan & diserap masuk oleh industri setelah 6 bulan. Perancangan lain: sementara berkerja ingin memohon guru mrsm (supaya dipanggil interview & mendapat jawatan kerajaan) Masih muda berusia 23 tahun jadi tiada komitmen. Oleh itu, tidak kisah sekiranya ditempatkan di Sabah/Sarawak/sekitar Malaysia 😬 Peluang perlu dicari. Jika ada kemahuan, di situ ada jalan 💪 Menunggu Konvokesyen UTM ke-61 November 2018 🎓🎉 Buat masa ini menjadi Suri rumah yang tidak bertauliah 😂 Belajar memasak dengan Abah. Skill mengemas masih amateur kahakakahak 😝 Bila dah masak penat nak mengemas. Aishhhh perlu persiapkan diri sebelum berkeluarga. Tidak terfikir untuk berkeluarga lagi kerana masih anak Abah yang manja 🙊 Cuma perlu berdoa daripada sekarang sahaja lah ditemukan jodoh dengan orang yang baik 😂 Prioriti buat masa sekarang fokus dengan kerjaya. Jika ada peluang untuk sambung master (mmg dapat pun UTM 😂, yuran mahal gilaa) akan difikirkan. Abah kata dia akan teruskan 1080 kalau adik sambung belajar lagi 😏 Tapi berdasarkan pengalaman serik dah nak belajar. Takpelah ada rezeki in Shaa Allah itu saja 🤗✨


Dah2 tu je. Nanti ade pulak yang melebih2 lepas baca entry baru ni 🙄 ok Byeeee. Assalamualaikum


Badik Chan 😎

People change

Peace be upon you. I find it weird when suddenly people who aren't interested in reading my blog before this would be my silent readers for my latest post 😂 Thank you. In this holy month, I think Allah wanted to show His mercy on me that there are certain people who are curious *solely labelled as bawang* here. I didn't intend to provoke anyone that's why I didn't even post any link to share oh I'm talking trash about others on my latest post! Here read this post! I'm telling a sizzling news about fakers! If you are offended this shows that you are one of the fakers then. Hypothesis is accepted 😂 We are humans, not a saint. Everyone makes mistakes. I know I am not holy. The reason I posted the previous entry is because I wanted to express myself on what I have been through. Ok let me tell you straight, will you be okay enduring yourself doing your fyup without any supports? I bet nobody can handle the stress. Of course you will at least have a friend to cry on but in my case? Do I have any??? *I do have one but the reason I felt sad is because someone who is once closed to me is not the one who I can rely on. It makes me sad why people can change out of sudden 😢 It feels awkward & I was praying a lot before this but it didn't seem alright. The bonds that are meant to be repaired are still hanging without a word. I don't want to hurt myself anymore. I've been reflecting myself a lot too. Maybe I did a lot of sins that's why Allah tested me like this. I felt like a ruthless friend when I couldn't even give advice like praying 5 times a day will be enough as a Muslim. I felt ashamed although I joined Usrah & learned about Tarbiyah I couldn't give dakwah to those who aren't aware about 5 times prayers which is the simplest thing to do as a Muslim. I want us to be able to go to Jannah. It's not that I hate you but silently I'm praying for you. I'm lost & confused. Are you still considering me as your precious friend or actually a friend on name (direct translation from BM 😂 kawan atas nama sahaja, sebab tu saya rasa itu penipuan semata2). I love you but I don't think you love me as I do 😅 I hope everyone can change to be better. Just pray to Allah so that we will be able to be a true Muslim in Shaa Allah 😊

Will be graduating soon

Salam. Hi there. I hope nobody will come across this post because I felt like cursing (opsss in this holy month of Ramadan 😀) Yes! I will be graduating soon. Just had my structural biology online test. What's left is final exam *I didn't study yet because yesterday was crazy, submission of spiral bound thesis & guess what after viva which was the 6 days before submission was like hell! I didn't get enough sleep. Got stomach ache 2/3 times went to toilet & flushed everything out leaving my stomach empty and I was fasting 😠. I didn't go back to my own room because I found it disturbing to do all my work there. It was a better choice to be a nomad, haha sorry Tikah & Dila. I slept over at your rooms & had sahur until today. I wasn't planning on going back but I have to because I didn't have my clothes as well as my laundry is getting bigger. I need to set time to wash all the clothes. And I am confused as my exam is starting on 30th May and a sudden change of Kakak Naqibah & she told me I have to attend mukyyam dahili on 25th & 26th OMG I don't know. Everything is too fast and I haven't study for the upcoming exam like seriously?😩😧😥 Why is my life is too pathetic? I guess that I'm easily triggered with petty little things. I was pissed off easily although it's not a big deal. BUT WHY WOULD YOU MAKE ME LIKE THIS? THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT TO BEGIN WITH SO I'M NOT SO SORRY HAHAHAHAHAA. 4 years friendship in University revealed everyone's dark side which make me feel like puking. I hate to say this but I think most of my friends are fake 😏 Hence, they are not trustworthy only a few which I consider my close ones. Even the one who once closed to me are far away out from my reach and I don't regret it as I felt relieved your true color disgust me. That's why I'm leaving. I don't feel emotional & I don't feel eager to participate in photo session like previous semesters. I feel like please let me finish already and disappear. I don't want to have any involvement with you. I want to live my life freely from negative vibes *ONE OF THE FACTORS WHY I DEACTIVATE TWITTER ACCOUNT* So probably contacting a few people who are NOT FAKE after graduation will do 😊😊😊I hope THE FAKERS are not reading this 😂😂😂If they did, I pray to Allah SWT that they will reflect their behavior as well as taking time to ponder. HAHAHAHAHAH Amin. May the fakers get some light to go to the right path in shaa Allah hehe. So, job hunting? Are you ready??? Good luck dear self!

Busy life ☢⚠☠

Peace be upon you, readers! Hey I'm back posting new entry for new year. Happy new year although it is kind of late 😂 The last post was in October 2017 after I had my proposal presentation. It was the hardest part I'd encountered and I almost gave up. Hey, there's always a rainbow after rain. Allah has planned something wonderful in the end that's why I am still alive survived from the previous months.

Here I am working in lab for my final year project. May Allah ease everything for me. To be honest I'm tired. Everyday I go to the lab working overtime. I just need to hang in there & I know I can do this in Shaa Allah. Miracle does happen for the last semester. He knows I'm struggling so hard yet he grands me excellent result for semester 7 final examination. I didn't expect much because 4th year life is super duper busy *I studied last minute & my brain hurts so much sometimes I just answered the possible answers that I guess they are logic lol 😂 with tons of assignment they made me shed into tears.

Apart from that, I just figured out I am caffeine intolerance. After midsem break, I had 3 tests & I wasn't finished studying so I ended up drinking coffee to stay awake. That night I couldn't sleep. I had difficulty in breathing & I was in a state of tachycardia 😷 my anxiety & stress levels increased rapidly leading to tremors. Luckily I had a blood test to figure out my health condition & it seems fine thank goodness! However, the Dr prescribed me with 20mg/day propanolol to reduce my anxiety. To be honest, I am so sad because I am away from my family & I have to take care of myself. I went to the Dr alone & figure out my health status alone it made me stressed out as I feel like nobody loves or cares me. That's because I'm stuck here in Johor & my family members are in Perak. However I know that they are aware about myself because we keep in touch on family WhatsApp group & sometimes I received their calls. 

What makes me stressed more is about my lab work. I am a beginner & I have to start from scratch. I learnt from zero & got scolded while gaining knowledge. It hurts so much at the beginning but then I feel like I can cope with it as time goes by. Everything I learnt by myself, YouTube, research gate forum just name it. Luckily I have a great companion, a master student who helped me a lot. Thanks Kak Ina. May Allah repay your kindness 🌸

I think I could proudly say that I am mature now as I sacrifice my holiday *semester break for the sake of my future to graduate on time. I miss my family I really do but I have to bear just a little bit more & this nightmare will turn into a happy dream. I have faith in Allah SWT & I believe He will ease everything for me in Shaa Allah. Amin ya Rab!

Final year student,
Badik Chan Qowiyyyy 💪

Ungrateful 🙂

I was informed that I have passed my proposal presentation but I feel nothing at all. Am I feeling ungrateful? 🙂 I should thank Allah but I'm not satisfied. My mark is not too great & I think it is kind of low but not the lowest compared to the other friends. To me this is not what I want. I hate myself for freaking out during that time. It is kind of annoying when people boast about their achievements haha yeah Allah heard your prayers but not mine so it feels awful to be honest ✌ This is just my feelings so I hope if you happen to read this, don't feel offended herher 💁 Maybe my prayers will be heard in the future. It depends on Allah anyway. I just have to believe in Him & of course myself for not giving up. I should be grateful for what I have after all this time. Hence, just take a good care of yourself. FYUP is not everything because you still have other subjects to score 😌 keep on studying & do the best instead of thinking you are useless or an idiot just because of FYUP hahahhaa.
A reminder to ponder;
If you think you are stupid, then why are you a university student? 😊 You are a diamond that will shine bright someday. Silly things like overthinking will ruin yourself more so keep on moving forward because you will excel this journey in Shaa Allah 🌸

Unlucky

Hey peeps 😶
Yesterday, I had my proposal presentation & I think that was the worst state in my life. However, I don't think it is much more worse compared to when I had my 1st lab test for microbiology 😌💦 my examiner for the lab test & for my proposal presentation is the same person. I felt like an idiot being attacked by fundamental questions. Some of those I couldn't answer. I really am so frustrated & my current mood is mentally unstable. I don't feel like talking. I refuse to have conversations with my friends it's not because I don't want to but I don't have any moods. Please, why do I feel so down to earth. I don't want to look like a fool. I worked on it & it disappoints me too much. I AM NOT OKAY. Sometimes it makes me wonder does anybody care about me? I rarely call Abah お父さん because my invalid reason is I don't have time & it makes me feel bad as a daughter too. Why is this life so hard? This life is just for a while but it seems like a thousand years with lots of challenges & problems. I understand why certain people are missing in action. I tried to be positive but I am not strong enough to put a fake smile & enjoy this trashing degree life 😬 I hope that I can pass my proposal presentation because I hate it if I need to represent * hopefully not. The worst day had passed but I don't want to be in that situation again. I need to attend Viva once I have finished my project & thesis submission too would be much more hard 😭
I doubt why God chose me to be in this journey. I feel like giving up but I want to graduate. Am I going to be a scientist one fine day? Regretting why I took Biology/pure sciences in degree because the pressure is too much. However I know Allah puts me in this hard time because He knows I can handle this burden. But I don't expect much from myself 😭 I try to be positive. I want to have faith in Him. But still negative thoughts kept on tormenting me 😣 why why why? It's easy to say you just have to be calm, move on & let it go. But IT IS NOT SIMPLE. TRY TO PUT YOURSELF IN MY SHOES. I WANT TO END THIS SOON BADLY BUT THE HELL LIFESTYLE IS JUST THE BEGINNING. I HATE MYSELF FOR BEING PARANOID. I DON'T BELONG HERE. I MISS MY LATE MOM. IF ONLY I COULD SHARE THIS WITH HER. I WILL BE SO BLESSED.

Sayonara USM 🎓

Morning peeps! Peace be upon you. Although I have been rubbing my eyes a few times, I just can't believe that I have finished my 3 months internship at School of Biological Sciences, USM Penang.

I told you before, that I'm counting days to end this as soon as possible. Alhamdulillah mission accomplished 😂💚 I'm a bit free for a week without any lab works. *Feeling free and relief 😁😁😁 I'm on cloud nine (jumping)

Anyway, there must be a hikmah/lesson learnt from this journey. I think Allah gives me the taste of "FYUP" (final year undergraduate project) so I do now know how am I supposed to face my final year which will start this early September 😰 He trains me to prepare mentally & physically before I enter my next phase.

3 months full of tears. I cried almost every week because of stress. I hope I can handle stress for FYUP after this in Shaa Allah. Well, that's because I learnt something new which is not that exactly related to Biology but more towards chemistry. My supervisor is expert in Nanobiotech therefore, I helped my mentor(master student) to synthesise nanoparticles. Besides, Dr is trying to do research on application so I got a mini project to test the real sample from industrial fish waste & the aim of the study is to study the adsorption of protein on Cellulose nanocrystal/ magnetic nanoparticles.

I remembered Dr Yazmin brought me to a fish factory & we collected the samples there. I met a few of her friends that collaborate with her project & they are from materials engineering department. I tend to think that if I study Biology, I will be a biologist forever but this changed my mind 360 degree. You will learn a lot of new things which is out of your comfort zone and of course different fields. (Tiba2 masuk engineering weh 😭) So can you understand my feelings now? Why am I so stressed?

Moreover, almost everyday, if I have to synthesise Cellulose nanocrystal, I must walk to School of Industrial Technology with my mentor to do the lab works. I usually don't stay at SBS's lab 😅 and the process is too long. Almost 2 weeks that finally you can freeze dry your sample from 20g isolated oil palm trunk that has been treated with mechanical treatments.

I am stress but I know my mentor is facing the problem too. I feel blessed to have her as my mentor . She is being so tolerate with me. I am not a quick learner. My lab skill is so-so. Because of anxiety & stress sometimes it is hard to handle the equipments. (Hopefully, I don't have essential tremor) I will remember you, Yee Ying Chuin 🌸 All the best for your master journey 🎓

This is a thread I have made before & posted on Facebook/Twitter. I hope it helps especially for my juniors.

A thread for pure/industrial Biology students who secure their internship placement at School of Biological Sciences, USM 🎓

1)First of all, it's a government Institution hence there will be no allowance provided.

2)Training is mainly focus on research works. So there will be tons of labworks. Tbh it is very tiring 😅.

3)SV chooses you.(UTM students) you will meet & recognise them for the first time meeting 😂.

4)Project given is based on SV's expertise. As for me, Dr Yazmin deals with Nanobiotech. What I did is synthesizing nanoparticles.

5)you will help your mentor's project work (master/PhD) it depends on your SV to give a mini project. I got a mini project too.

6)mini project won't be completed in 3 months 😂 serious talk. Because time is limited & too many things need to be done.unless you're GENIUS.

7)Mini project is like FYP. You need to study at the same time planning experiment with your mentor. Indeed it's stressful(haven't done FYP).

8)ex:Dr plans, CNC production,immobilised & desorb GOX, Bradford assay, ABTS assay, SDS PAGE, FTIR. I did only:CNC, MNP,SDS PAGE & Bradford.

9)instead of studying enzyme GOX, I did the real sample testing (fishwaste water) to study the adsorption of protein on nanoparticles.

10)your work will not only related to Biology.As for me, this project is more towards chemistry. So you can imagine all the calculations etc.

11)If you get a project related to chemistry, make sure to revise your analytical chemistry/biochemistry/bioorganic during 1st year.

12)only chemistry students know about adsorption kinetics ( Langmuir & Freundlich) I don't understand this 😂.

13)Every week, there will be a meeting for your progress report hence please prepare slides, be ready & deliver your presentation 😎.

14)SV will ask you weird questions. Don't freak out! Your mentor will be there to defend you 😂.

15)A farewell party for you is a must at the end of your internship day. SVs and mentors will make a lot of surprises for you 😍.


Warm regards,
Badik Chan Qowiyyyy 💪